Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,
There’s a lot of controversy over the TV show “13 Reasons Why.” My husband and I haven’t watched it and we haven’t let our kids watch it.
We recently had a suicide in our area by a young girl. She was bullied.
I want to know your opinion regarding what to do about bullying. How do we really stop it? How do I talk to my kids?
Does the TV show tell how to stop it?
You don’t need to watch the show to stop bullying.
We’ve listed 13 reasons why kids are bullied and 13 ways to stop bullying and start creating civility.
13 reasons why bullies bully:
1. Popularity — bullies use weakness, goodness, sexual attractiveness, or lack of coolness for entertainment
2. Fear — of not being good enough
3. Justification — to validate their bad behavior
4. One-upping — judging others so they feel superior
5. Envy — doing anything to get what they covet in others
6. Feelings of lacking — in intelligence, money, family, love
7. Wanting power
8. Drugs or alcohol influence
9. Abandonment issues — wanting to belong, be loved, or getting real attention
10. Lacking empathy — not understanding or caring
12. Bully-victim — mimics those who have bullied them
13. Passive-aggressive joking — insults others and then says they are just kidding
13 ways to end bullying now:
1. No phones at school, during dinner and throughout the night — unsupervised phone use is the number one tool for bullying
2. Develop real relationships — limit social media
3. Establish real face-to-face communication
4. Hold empathy training — people must be taught how to understand others
5. Stop narcissism — by teaching how to serve others
6. Live the Golden Rule
7. Learn about real heroes — who overcame hardships, obstacles, and challenges
8. Report bullying and don’t stand by
9. Stop the cheating, lying, and so-called joking
10. NO gossiping — even “if” it’s true, only God knows our hearts
11. Believe in God — be humble and forgiving
12.Set boundaries — control impulses and don’t intrude on anyone’s privacy, religion, sex, or politics
13. Develop genuine gratitude, respect, and love for others
Suicide, because of bullying, can result when relentless harm to another doesn’t seem to have an end. The victim doesn’t feel he or she has choices. Suicide is the third largest cause of death with our youth. It’s increased by 100 percent in kids 14 and younger.
We believe civility, which is composed of consideration, caring, and courtesy, is the answer to ending bullying.
Rhonda and Dr. Cheri